


When Hope is Lost

by storiesofchaos



Series: Avengers: Infinity War [3]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: And all of us tbh, Angst and Feels, Ashes Scene in Avengers: Infinity War Part 1, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Character Study, Father Figures, Gen, Hope, I'm Sorry, Peter Parker's life timeline, Peter is a Brave Boy, So does Peter, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-06-06
Packaged: 2019-05-17 23:08:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14840954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesofchaos/pseuds/storiesofchaos
Summary: And when the hope was nearly gone, he finally allowed himself to believe that maybe they couldn’t win this after all.





	When Hope is Lost

**Author's Note:**

> I'm using the Archive Warning just because even if That Scene isn't a real death scene (and I really hope it's not), it sure feels like it.

 Ever since he was a little boy, Peter had aspired to be a hero. His first memory was watching the TV with wide eyes as a man in a red and gold suit flew around and saved the world while becoming a national hero in the process. Soul thrumming with excitement, be decided that day what he wanted to be.

So there was no shortage of happiness when at the Stark Expo he attended, Hammer Drones were trying to take over the city and he donned his Iron Man mask because he thought in his childhood hope that he could help. In that moment he faced one down, he did not feel scared, only powerful.

As he stuck out his hand like he had seen his hero do, the robot suddenly fell over and exploded and Peter was surprised until he realized Iron Man himself had landed behind him.

He barely registered the, “good job, kid,” before Iron Man flew off, and Peter was left shaking with exhilaration.

The dream faded as he grew older and became more realistic about future careers and moved on with his life. His little toy mask grew dusty, yet he still got a little thrill whenever he heard the words _Iron Man_ or _Avengers_ or _Heroes._

Then, his world became disarrayed when he was in high school. The thing that happened, the spider bite, all seemed unreal . . . except for his new powers. It was like when something so strange happens that your mind doesn't know how to deal with it, so it considers the event normal. That was how he felt, and in time him having supernatural abilities was just a part of who he was.

He had almost forgotten about his first meeting with Tony Stark when the man found him once more. But Iron Man taking him on and not only allowing him to truly become a superhero but helping him in the process — that was a dream come true.

And never once, not even when he was all alone or when he was helping Mr. Stark fight against his own teammates did he ever think about what could happen if he one day he didn’t win. He was so used to the ideal that superheros always won, and even when they were beat down time after time, they always rose up again. They had to.

So he never once thought that he could die because of a mission. Oh he had had the notion of course, when he was in a tight situation and there wasn’t much hope left, yet there _was_ still hope and that is what saved him. His fault was that he relied too much on hope to see him through.

When he saw the spaceship from the bus on his field trip, he didn’t hesitate to go after. Didn't hesitate to immediately join in the battle when he found Mr. Stark, didn’t even hesitate to grab onto the spaceship as it flew into the sky. He wanted to save people, it was his purpose, so he did all he could to honor that.

Even when it appeared there was no way for the ship to head back to Earth and Mr. Stark wouldn’t stop arguing with the magician that had the cool cloak, he assumed that they would find a way out of this, because they always did. And when Mr. Stark told Peter that he was now an Avenger, that hope lifted all the more. He didn’t care that it was only circumstance that granted him that title or that it was not the kind of initiation he had hoped for, just the fact that he was an _Avenger_ now — an Avenger! — filled him with so much pride that he couldn’t help but stand a little taller.

The time from becoming an Avenger to feeling defeated on Titan felt like a blur, like he went through the actions of doing all he could to stop Thanos from winning, but the hope kept draining. And when the hope was nearly gone, he finally allowed himself to believe that maybe they couldn’t win this after all.

_No!_

He couldn’t think that way, they still had time, everyone back at Earth would defeat Thanos, it would be alright. It would be okay in the end.

Then something happened to the world and it was as if something in the universe was shifting, breaking, then crumbling to pieces. He could feel it in his soul, that something was terribly wrong, and he didn't think he’d ever been more terrified and confused in all his life.

He could hear Mantis saying, “something’s happening,” meaning he was not the only one who felt it, before she disappeared into dust. Just like that she was gone and Peter was beyond horrified.

One by one the Guardians vanished until Doctor Strange did too, and Mr. Stark was left looking desperately around, willing them to come back.

A feeling of utter dread began to grow in the pit of Peter's stomach, and he started to fully panic. He wanted to say it was just his mind playing tricks on him, but his senses were hardly wrong.

And that was when the tiny, minuscule amount of hope he had been clutching onto with his life dissolved, just like what happened to his new friends.

Waves of nausea and something he couldn't describe washed over him, brow furrowing and his feet beginning to stumble. He couldn't help but call out to Mr. Stark, his friend and mentor and _father figure_.

“Mr. Stark, I don't feel so good,” he struggled to say, trying to concentrate, but it felt as if a heavy haze was overwhelming his thoughts.

“I don't know what's happening,” he continued breathlessly, not even hearing Mr. Stark speak before his weight fell and and he launched himself at the man, immediately clutching onto him.

“I don't wanna go, I don't wanna go, Sir, please, please, I don't wanna go . . .” he could hear himself pleading, desperate for anything as he gripped Mr. Stark’s body as if that would keep him alive.

As he hit the ground, the impact jolted him so that time seemed to have stopped for a moment. Amidst that ruined world came happy memories filling the entirety of his mind, making his soul ache for respite.

First came reminiscences of Ned . . . and how wonderful a friend he was! When he saw him last Ned didn't even question Peter's need for a distraction, he did it because he trusted his best friend knew what needed to be done. He accepted Peter's, well, strange lifestyle without qualms, was enthusiastic about it even. Now he wouldn't get to tell him these things in person, could only hope his heart could sense Peter was thinking about him and hope to everything good left in the world that Ned was alright.

The thought of Aunt May came flooding in next, the person in his life that equaled the two parents he had been stripped of. There was still too much to tell her about his secret and she would never know that he was in space and in grave trouble, but he knew she would worry to hell and back. And it killed him inside that he could do nothing to reassure her, when he couldn't even reassure _himself._ She had sent him away on a field trip she didn't know he may never come back from.

In those moments that were only brief seconds in time, his grip on hope, on life, was quickly slipping. His vision was fading in and out but he caught sight of Mr. Stark's face. And oh, how that man had already suffered enough, the regret of the inevitable squeezing his already crushed heart.

And he realized, in that .01 second of time that felt like an age, that perhaps Mr. Stark was truly like the father in his life, and maybe Mr. Stark had that notion too. That was a nice thought, and it was all he could think of when he looked at the man and saw the raw sadness and confusion etched onto his features in a flush, as if his whole universe had tipped and shattered.

Maybe because it had.

So Peter whispered one last thing before looking away in resignation:

_“I’m sorry.”_


End file.
